The Inner Struggle

Signs and Observations – Know the Enemy

1. Healthy narcissism or positive self-regard helps us laugh at ourselves and our flaws, accept that we are not perfect and get on with improving and fixing our flaws. Healthy narcissism allows us to feel emotions and share in others emotions without getting defensive, attacking the others, and indulging in fantasy (colloquially known as B.S.).

2. “Everybody does it” and saying “I’m sorry” after hurting someone for your own purposes does not make the actions or words OK and does not fix or atone for the evil done. It is not OK to keep on doing the same things and then always saying “I’m sorry”.

3. Universal narcissism has become the new “normal”. Anyone who criticizes me is attacking me. I have my rights!

4. Real self esteem is a necessary precondition to pursuing and enjoying our accomplishments without crippling self doubt.

5. Healthy self regard is rooted in real self esteem and real accomplishment. Real self esteem is completely lacking in the unhealthy narcissist.

6. The unhealthy narcissist lacks a realistic sense of self and an internalized system of values which guides their behavior.

7. Less recognized characteristics of unhealthy narcissism:

  • poor interpersonal boundaries
  • hidden shame
  • emotional shallowness
  • envy
  • contempt
  • lack of empathy
  • extreme shame sensitivity
  • seeking for approval
  • avoiding shame at all costs
  • dependent on fantasy
  • need to feel special and in control
  • psychological projection or shame transference
  • devaluation of others by belittling others




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