The Inner Struggle

Poisonous Families …

Now how about a post about extractive economies?  hmmm. Book to read:  “Why Nations Fail” Really interesting read – if you can actually read and are beyond just looking at pictures (don’t worry liberal posters, you can all wait to grow up for the “learning to read” activity. Just stick to farm animals and free sex for now).

Woah. Now that  was unnecessarily nasty, wasn’t it? But that is what went through my mind before I even thought about it. Habits, habits, habits, habits of a lifetime, unquestioned, and informing everything one thinks and says. I started out to write a post about extractive economies and was completely derailed by my emotional reactions to a conversation yesterday with my sister.

A lifetime of sin, uncharitable, judgmental,  lacking compassion … hurting others if spoken out loud. Aren’t you glad we can’t read each others mind. Wow, what a bumpy trip that would be. Trying to understand the mindset of the above linked posters and the world they live in – talking to my sister yesterday and understanding that she and most of my family and friends live in that universe, that I am the odd one in the extended group.

Not suggesting anything in the right or wrong domain, but rather trying to understand how superficially nice people can be apparently comfortable living with so many untested assumptions, and be so absolutely certain that they are correct about all their assumptions and anyone who doesn’t hold the same view (for any reason) is a “homophobic Nazi racist”.

My mother-in-law is a quintessential example of the pathological narcissist. Her every waking thought is centered on what she wants and who “should” provide her with it, be it item or service. She is one of the least liked persons I have met in my 62 years on the planet. She is 82 now and is likely to die without ever “getting it”. She singlehandedly creates trainloads of distress and misery every time she appears, phones or speaks and at the same time is utterly oblivious to her impact on others, or, if others object, she attacks them as assholes and it is all their fault and they are “lieing about her”.

So she phones this AM, and I can see the misery appear in my wife’s face as soon as the phone announces who is calling. My brother-in-law starts cursing his mother as soon as he hears who is calling. Of course what she is calling about is that she wants my wife to force her son to “do something useful” and pick her up at the old folks home to drive her around to what she wants to do today “what else is he good for anyway?”

Now my wife is upset because she is caught between her brother and her mother, and my brother-in-law is upset because he is caught between his sister and his mother, and I am quietly sitting in the middle of this shit-storm wondering why I have to deal with this, and of course I do what I always do and have always done (not always quietly or politely) and tell them stop worrying I will pick her up. And the objection to that is that “Mother” doesn’t call me because she doesn’t want to “bother me”. Translation is “she knows damned well that she can’t bullshit me and bully me and berate me and abuse me, and where is the joy in that for a manipulative narcissist?

Anyway, she will be my “cheap date” at 12:30 for however long it takes her to get tired of driving around in silence. Shouldn’t be more than 15 or 20 minutes before she decides that she really wants to do something else.  I can’t believe I have been doing this for almost 40 years … such is a life … I hope this counts on the plus side of the equation when the audit of my life happens.



Dawn of a New Day

Dawn of a New Day



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